I love music. It's always been a huge part of my life, whether that's listening to a fresh track or making my own, and I couldn't imagine a world without it. The citizens of BeatBlasters III aren't as big fans of it, in fact they've gone so far as to outlaw any and all music being played or listened to in their quaint little suburbia. Obviously this simply won't do, and thus you must liberate the town from itself...by escorting monkeys to choppers and protecting panda bears from giant gumdrops?
To try and make sense of BeatBlasters would be a foolish endeavor, as everything about it is as nonsensical and random as any game I've ever played. Putting you in the head bobbing, foot tapping shoes of the musically powered Gina and Joey, each level tasks you with a bizarre objective requiring you to utilize your three abilities: a shield, a plasma shot, and a hoverboot jump.
Where the musical aspect comes into play is recharging said abilities by tapping to the beat of the song. Keeping a steady rhythm forms combos which let you charge them faster, making getting into the groove a necessity as levels quickly become more challenging. It's a moderately interesting idea, but in practice only serves to frustrate.
Everything about BeatBlasters is slow and clunky, from your movements to character animations, to the awkward transitions between track layers which constantly skip and repeat themselves. It's frustrating to play even when it works, but during hectic moments requiring quick timing it's an abysmal mess of trying to charge your shots and complete your objective in time. The objectives themselves are of little consequence, as almost all fall into the same mold of protecting or escorting the dumbest NPCs to ever inhabit a game. You would be forgiven for mistaking them for being on deaths door for how sluggishly they move through levels, all but begging enemies to kill them and get it over with.
The artwork itself hovers from moderately interesting, too simplistic and unimaginative. Characters especially suffer from awkward transitions and an extremely limited move-set. I can appreciate the variety in locals, but even then there is little character in the backgrounds and no consistency with whatever theme the developers themed to be going for. As a musically themed game, the loop heavy tracks are uninspired and aggravating to hear continually repeat themselves off time as they unsuccessfully attempt to sync with your actions.
I'm not sure exactly what I expected from BeatBlasters III, but what I got was a dull, repetitive and unpolished experience that wouldn't cut it as a third-rate flash game. There's nothing I can recommend about it besides not being inherently broken from bugs, as the presentation, controls, and underlying mechanics all work against themselves to suck any fun that could have been had with the game.
And if King Banana wants anymore bananas he can bloody well get them himself!