Ubisoft presents Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell: Black List by Tom Clancy published by Ubisoft and played by me is pretty cool I guess.
As some people may know, I am a big fan of the Splinter Cell series, being dragged into it back in 2005 with Chaos Theory. But being a fan of a series owned by Ubisoft is like having your lover fart in your mouth. Yo that is foul as ♥♥♥♥. After the mediocre Splinter Cell: Conviction, Ubisoft Montreal decided to stop being like the stuff I find in the back of my box, and actually try and make a Splinter Cell game. The problem with this is, they still need to meet publisher quotas, or atleast that's what I've been told.
You once again play as Sam Fisher, but now he sounds like he could be my big brother instead of my actual dad. The game revolves around a terrorist cell known as the Blacklist who commit to attacks every week the United States doesn't pull it's troops out of every country in the world and send them back to America. We, of course, cannot have this, so instead the president lady has Fourth Echelon (That's one more than Third Echelon) go on a mission across the world to hunt down Blacklist and it's leaders and be home in time for apple pie.
The gameplay works, it's like they wanted to make Chaos Theory again but had to use Conviction elements. Now you can go in non-lethally like the older games pre-Conviction, and you aren't put into set-piece like arenas where you have to end the lives of everyone who came into work that day. The game's levels, while not as open and expertly crafted as prior games, give you enough freedom so that you aren't bogged down by memorizing enemy patrol patterns to get past them unnoticed. It cuts down on the frustration and stop me from resorting to abusive alcoholism.
You get money after each mission that you can use to buy new stuff, such as suits, or guns, or gadgets, or a girlfriend. And if you're lacking money for that new hug pillow with Rise-Chan on it, you can always go on sidequests that you can bring that one friend you actually have along with you. Which is neat so when I eventually do mess up, I can blame on them instead. Good job, Mark. Although these missions have less of a variety as the story missions, they still manage to be open and free enough that you can go about it your own way instead of having to follow a beaten path, which means you have time to get that wedgie out of your crack because your OP suit is riding up like it's asking you to prom.
If you're returning to the series, you'll notice some noticable differences in the characterization. Sam is nowhere near as snarky or as comedic as he was in previous installments and since Lambert died in Double Agent
most of the charm of hearing two friends screw around has really hurt both the tone and the likability of the lore and the story. Michael Ironside is gone and replaced with a guy who I didn't bother to remember, who makes Sam sound like he's a fresh young member of the agency rather than a grizzled old veteran. The change in tone from Conviction onward has honestly hurt the series, further proving that Conviction is like that other guy that lives beside your box but insists on spooning with you because "We have to stick together."
If having feel-good fun time with your friends doesn't tickle your pickle gay
, you can always go online in the Spies vs Mercs mode. In this game mode you play as either Paul Blart mall cop in first person or Frankie Muniz from those Agent Cody Banks movies in third person.
So what you have are Mercs in defense, where you move around and ♥♥♥♥ your pants because a spy could be around any corner ready to steal the colonel's secret recipe from you. Or you play as a spy while you move around and ♥♥♥♥ your pants because a merc can come around any corner and fill you without enough holes that it's both a war crime and a sex crime. Dirty.
While not being as pulse pounding as Chaos theory's or Pandora's Tomorrow's multiplayer, it's still a rather fun diversion and may keep you around if you enjoy both competitive and stealth gameplay. Don't expect anything revolutionary, though. They're video game developers, not miracle workers.
But should you play Splinter Cell: Bar Bouncer front gate?
It's fun. Not 30 Canadian Funbux fun, but you'll get some enjoyment out of it. It's certainly better than the fifth game in the series, but nowhere near as good as the second or third.
Splinter Cell:White chart gets seven Oscar Mike's out of a possible ten Tango Downs.
Megamouth sharks are so rare that there have only been 63 sightings in record history.
The curator has reached 101 members. I'd like to thank my publisher, my manager, and the cafe owner across the street I've repeatedly called "mom". http://steamcommunity.com/groups/Dickbuttexperience#curation
oh yeah, and this game uses Uplay. So if you're not okay with Ubisoft talking loudly and spitting bits of chewed food in your face, proceed with caution.